I haven't posted here in a while, because a) I just haven't had time and b) things have been decent. I say decent because I've been just trying to accept certain things:
- I will not be the girl in the bar a guy hits on.
- I will not be the person who has a ton of friend to call up and do things with.
- I will not be the employee who doesn't have to stop proving themselves.
- I will not be the person I wish I was.
People say you can change things -- your relationship status, your job situation, your social life. I'm starting to believe that's not true.
I know I've retreated from many aspects of my life, but it's easier to just not put yourself out there -- whether it be for a relationship or a friendship -- than to continually get disappointed over and over again.
A friend of mine in college once compared picking friends to real estate. If you have an ugly friend in the group, your value goes down, because guys won't want to be around you.
As shallow as that sounds, maybe they're correct.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Where did I go wrong?
This is a question I keep asking myself, and unfortunately, I'm not sure what the correct answer is.
It could be that I moved back in to my parents house after college, or maybe the fact I invested in a house hours from where I work so I can't live there full time. Whatever the reason is, somewhere things got truly messed up.
The other day I was filling something out for a casting call, and it asked when the last time I was on a date. Do you know that I couldn't even remember?
While this makes me sad, and beyond embarrassed, it doesn't make me upset enough to do something about it.
I won't join an online dating site or enlist the help of a professional matchmaker. Heck, I won't even go to more events as a potential way of meeting prospects.
Why?
Because rejection hurts worse than status quo.
I know how a night at a charity event ends -- me seeing someone cute, them ignoring me, or ditching my business card in the nearest trash can.
That, is more upsetting than just not having anyone to start with.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
It could be that I moved back in to my parents house after college, or maybe the fact I invested in a house hours from where I work so I can't live there full time. Whatever the reason is, somewhere things got truly messed up.
The other day I was filling something out for a casting call, and it asked when the last time I was on a date. Do you know that I couldn't even remember?
While this makes me sad, and beyond embarrassed, it doesn't make me upset enough to do something about it.
I won't join an online dating site or enlist the help of a professional matchmaker. Heck, I won't even go to more events as a potential way of meeting prospects.
Why?
Because rejection hurts worse than status quo.
I know how a night at a charity event ends -- me seeing someone cute, them ignoring me, or ditching my business card in the nearest trash can.
That, is more upsetting than just not having anyone to start with.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, December 8, 2011
New Year's Eve
My favorite holiday, by far, has always been New Year's Eve. But, this year, it's likely to be my least favorite.
None of my single friends want to do anything, and all of my married friends already have plans -- that do not include me.
In the past, I've had people over my house, did the whole Times Square thing and more. Maybe I should just book a flight to Vegas or AC and gamble all night.
The sad part is not that I don't have plans. The sad part is that I have no friends to do anything with.
I'm not really sure how I ended up like this. It's got to be me, but I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Birthdays
Today is mine.
And, it sucks.
I'm working a 12 hour day that I'm not getting totally compensated for, and I will likely celebrate by having a glass of wine by myself in a random New York bar on my way to the train.
Lovely.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Labor Day Weekend
What a joke my life is. It's Labor Day weekend. I've been without a car for two months, I'm sitting on my couch alone and contemplating what I reall have to live for.
Seriously.
I used to hike, bike, walk, shop, drink, be social. Now, I sit in my house.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Conference Hookups
I go to a good amount of conferences. I almost never hook up at one. If there was an ERA for this like there is for pitchers in baseball, I would be kicked off the team.
Not sure if this is a badge of honor, or a prime example of how I'm just not pretty.
I've been to ones in Vegas, Orlando, New York, Denver, Portland....it really doesn't matter the place.
Conferences are breeding grounds for meaningless hookups, one night stands and instant connections. Maybe I put out a vibe that says, 'I know you're married with a daughter my age and it's because of people you that I don't want to get married?'
I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I have a good time at these things usually, but it's never like the stories I hear from others.
Actually, I guess I lied. There was one time, where it was pretty close to those other stories you hear.
From the moment I saw Luke during a VIP foodie event in Vegas I thought he was hot. Wayyy out of my league. He kept looking at me, too, but made no attempt to talk with me. Toward the end of the night I heard him say something about a girlfriend.
Oh well. That was that.
The next day, after finishing an educational session, I stopped at this live cooking event and sat next to my friend. Luke was hosting. I looked up at the stage and he was staring at me while he was talking. And, he kept looking at me.
I smiled and kinda laughed to myself, because of course he likely wasn't looking at me, I'm sure it was my friend or the person behind me that caught his attention.
That night we went to another invite-only party and I knew there would be a good chance he would be there. I had such a great day catching up with my friend, drinking champagne and shopping for new shoes that my confidence level was through the roof.
We were the first to arrive at the bar because there was a delay at the place everyone else had gone earlier, but we skipped.
Luke walks into the lounge, plops himself right next to me completely interrupting my previous conversation and begins engaging me in a conversation -- telling me how's wanted to get a chance to talk with me.
That led to him getting very cozy on the bar's couch with me, his arm gently placed around my waist and shoulders, photos taken together and at one point showing me a photo of his room number.
(That was how when he got drunk, he remembered where he was staying-actually very clever move I now use even when I'm not drinking because I usually can't remember ...even before I've taken a sip of alcohol)
Luke was a producer/manager/musician/humanitarian wanna-be who loved his family, especially his grandmother who has recently passed away. I heard all about her during our conversation. It was actually kind of sweet.
It was time for us to go to another party. He gave me his card and his number. I gave him mine.
About an hour later my friend, who couldn't stop telling me how 'into you' he is, talked me into texting him.
That led to hours of flirting over our Blackberries and eventually put him inches away from my room. All I had to do was give him the actual room number. He already knew the floor.
I chickened out & never gave him it.
But this scenario leads to several questions.
- Did I just 'look easy' so he figured it would be an easy hookup?
- Did my soaring confidence level play a part in coming across attractive to him? Because trust me there were plenty of hot girls looking for his attention.
- He was surprisingly smart. Were the things I was talking about impress him/peek his interest?
I'm writing this now, because I'm going to a conference later this week. Granted, the majority of the people will be women, but there will be male PR reps, vendors and others there.
Oh, and remember that girlfriend I overheard him talking about to a mom-type who was hitting on him after a few drinks that first night? Apparently, they were together for 7 years and things weren't going well anymore. She moved out a few months after that conference.
(For those wondering, we still follow each other on Twitter, and run in some of the same social networking circles)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Not sure if this is a badge of honor, or a prime example of how I'm just not pretty.
I've been to ones in Vegas, Orlando, New York, Denver, Portland....it really doesn't matter the place.
Conferences are breeding grounds for meaningless hookups, one night stands and instant connections. Maybe I put out a vibe that says, 'I know you're married with a daughter my age and it's because of people you that I don't want to get married?'
I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I have a good time at these things usually, but it's never like the stories I hear from others.
Actually, I guess I lied. There was one time, where it was pretty close to those other stories you hear.
From the moment I saw Luke during a VIP foodie event in Vegas I thought he was hot. Wayyy out of my league. He kept looking at me, too, but made no attempt to talk with me. Toward the end of the night I heard him say something about a girlfriend.
Oh well. That was that.
The next day, after finishing an educational session, I stopped at this live cooking event and sat next to my friend. Luke was hosting. I looked up at the stage and he was staring at me while he was talking. And, he kept looking at me.
I smiled and kinda laughed to myself, because of course he likely wasn't looking at me, I'm sure it was my friend or the person behind me that caught his attention.
That night we went to another invite-only party and I knew there would be a good chance he would be there. I had such a great day catching up with my friend, drinking champagne and shopping for new shoes that my confidence level was through the roof.
We were the first to arrive at the bar because there was a delay at the place everyone else had gone earlier, but we skipped.
Luke walks into the lounge, plops himself right next to me completely interrupting my previous conversation and begins engaging me in a conversation -- telling me how's wanted to get a chance to talk with me.
That led to him getting very cozy on the bar's couch with me, his arm gently placed around my waist and shoulders, photos taken together and at one point showing me a photo of his room number.
(That was how when he got drunk, he remembered where he was staying-actually very clever move I now use even when I'm not drinking because I usually can't remember ...even before I've taken a sip of alcohol)
Luke was a producer/manager/musician/humanitarian wanna-be who loved his family, especially his grandmother who has recently passed away. I heard all about her during our conversation. It was actually kind of sweet.
It was time for us to go to another party. He gave me his card and his number. I gave him mine.
About an hour later my friend, who couldn't stop telling me how 'into you' he is, talked me into texting him.
That led to hours of flirting over our Blackberries and eventually put him inches away from my room. All I had to do was give him the actual room number. He already knew the floor.
I chickened out & never gave him it.
But this scenario leads to several questions.
- Did I just 'look easy' so he figured it would be an easy hookup?
- Did my soaring confidence level play a part in coming across attractive to him? Because trust me there were plenty of hot girls looking for his attention.
- He was surprisingly smart. Were the things I was talking about impress him/peek his interest?
I'm writing this now, because I'm going to a conference later this week. Granted, the majority of the people will be women, but there will be male PR reps, vendors and others there.
Oh, and remember that girlfriend I overheard him talking about to a mom-type who was hitting on him after a few drinks that first night? Apparently, they were together for 7 years and things weren't going well anymore. She moved out a few months after that conference.
(For those wondering, we still follow each other on Twitter, and run in some of the same social networking circles)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Saturday, August 20, 2011
No, Nope, Nada
I wen to go get my hair highlighted and cut today. The woman who owns the place is a feisty, amazingly funny person, who I've come to know pretty well.
Today, however, I felt like a looser.
Her: 'So, any guys in your life?'
Me: 'No.'
Her: 'No? Not at all.'
Me: 'Nope, I'm always working'
Her: 'Well, you go out for drinks after work and stuff, right?'
Me: 'No, not really. I leave work and go home because I have more work to do.'
Her: 'Hmmm.'
A little while later.
Her: 'Been to any concerts?'
Me: 'Nope. I never have time, or the money these days.'
Later on.
Her: 'What are you doing the rest of the day?'
Me: 'Maybe kayak. I don't know. Nothing really planned.'
It's 643pm on a Saturday night and I'm going to WalMart with my Dad to pick up stuff for dinner.
Not really sure when I went from spending more time out in bars and concerts to my phone not making a peep on a Saturday night... Or any night for that matter.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Today, however, I felt like a looser.
Her: 'So, any guys in your life?'
Me: 'No.'
Her: 'No? Not at all.'
Me: 'Nope, I'm always working'
Her: 'Well, you go out for drinks after work and stuff, right?'
Me: 'No, not really. I leave work and go home because I have more work to do.'
Her: 'Hmmm.'
A little while later.
Her: 'Been to any concerts?'
Me: 'Nope. I never have time, or the money these days.'
Later on.
Her: 'What are you doing the rest of the day?'
Me: 'Maybe kayak. I don't know. Nothing really planned.'
It's 643pm on a Saturday night and I'm going to WalMart with my Dad to pick up stuff for dinner.
Not really sure when I went from spending more time out in bars and concerts to my phone not making a peep on a Saturday night... Or any night for that matter.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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